Thankfulness

The mercy of God really does lead us to repentance.
I have read that verse a thousand times. It always stood out as a very special truth. It is more special to me now than before.

Late last week, my wife was outside with me on a particularly hot and muggy Florida afternoon giving me another fabulously priced haircut, while I grumbled about the weather and such.
Our children were all running in and out of the house, ( leaving the front door ajar, to let in the fresh humid air of course), to see us about various dilemmas. Once, it was reported that brother "A" was not willing to play the game that brother "B" wanted to play, and sister "Y" needed a diaper change. Other times, it was just routine running. In and out. Tripping over the extension cord that we had hooked up to the outside GFI circuit, spilling the 'kit-bag' that houses all those little hair cutting guide combs and scissors. making various normal requests and inquiries of us while we were not busy....
You know the stuff I mean. "Can I have a glass of tea, Johnny just got a glass and he said that you said we could all have a glass anytime we ever, ever want one, so can I please Daddy, can I?"
Or my personal favorite , " Hey Pops, ( he's 15 now you know!), remember the other day?"..."You said that we could go out and shoot one of the guns sometime soon?"... " Well, I was wonderin' if I could get the 30/06, with 165 grain bullets out, and go out back, where you can't see me or the other 6 children ranging in age from 1 to 13, and do a little target practice towards the neighbors property?!?"
As we explained to each one of our dear children, in the most patient words and mannerisms possible, exactly why they could not do this, or that certain thing, at this exact moment, we began to reflect on the joys of parenting and the invigorating affects that it has on one's spirituality.
As we talked, we began to think of all the people we know of who have experienced trial and tragedy in the course of raising their children. We talked about some of the very real and serious cases of other beloved families that had undergone the darkest of trials and the most perilous of journeys. We were focusing on physical trials for the most part, and reflecting on how very glad we were that God had never caused us to pass under that heavy load of adversity which some must endure.
I mentioned a lady we know that lost a boy of 8 in a most traumatic manner. And another family of dear friends who became the parents of a special needs child with Autism and the host of related issues that come with that situation.
We recounted the few narrow escapes in our own family. A 4 year old boy with a fever that turned into a hernia with a strangulated bowel and an surgeon being flown in at 3 a.m. for an emergency surgery. The 1 year old that developed double pneumonia and spent 2 weeks in intensive care. The 3rd degree burn on one arm that resulted from a hasty attempt to start a yard pile fire...with gasoline. The many stitches and sutures and bruises that come with raising 7 boys and 2 girls.
As we spoke about these things, and watched our darling offspring tramping around us, I began to speak aloud the many thanks to God that I felt in my heart, in a form of conversational prayer with my wife. The conversation continued with more accounts of the trials that others had faced, along with the many cases of near-misses in our own family, and all the while I interspersed vocal thanks to God and prayers for continued protection upon our children as we talked and prayed and cut hair. Much repentance for our failures as parents went up also.
As this was happening, my wife and I were both struck with how gracious God is. "He knows our frame." I commented. "He must surely know that I don't have the character to endure such a tragedy, and He has spared us from this thing."
We both grew silent at the reflection of my words.
Surely, I was speaking as a man, we both thought inside ourselves. If such a thing did ever happen to us, we must be found faithful!
We both shuddered at this unspoken, but understood thought. We began to speak again on the possibility of such a thing, God forbid, and the hope that we would be like righteous Job, and not like his wife. Much more verbal thanks, and supplication for continued protection went up as we finished the haircut and cleaned up. Life quickly fell back into the rhythm of things, and we prepared for the Lord's Day that was approaching.
The sermon was from 1 John 5 and we dealt with the subject of prayer that is found therein. During the course of that sermon, we were given several illustrations to encourage a confidence in our prayer life and we were both thinking of the prayers of the previous day, and the thoughts that we shared. At one point, the minister said something about the Sovereignty of God and the wheels within wheels that we often see in our prayer life. Like when you get on your knees to pray, and the door rings with a package from far away that contains the very answer you were needing. Of course the package was mailed long before you began to pray, but would you dare doubt the answer of God in such a thing? He knows our needs, even before we ask them was the point. And He cares for us, and delights to answer the prayer that is in keeping with His moral will. Of course, all the caveats of His Providential Will, sometime being, unknown to us, against the answer that we seek must be kept in mind, etc. But still, in general, we may have a healthy confidence, that all things asked, according to His will, ARE answered.
The rest of the day, we were apprehensive. Not much, but a little.
"Is it possible, that God, in His mercy was prompting us to consider His mercy toward our children yesterday?" we thought.
Silly thoughts, or sound thoughts? After all, we are Reformed, not Charismatic! But, this is real story. Not a camp meeting rendition designed to stir up some emotionalism.
Monday went pretty good and we soon went on with the week in our usual way. My boys were doing some yard work for a friend and I was tagging along, ( because this is the covenant that my wife and I made long ago), too be there for any of those, 'when you walk by the way' moments that might arise. They were using a chain saw and having a difficult time getting it stuck and ruining the new blade. So of course, what does any disabled Dad with a twisted spine do? I grabbed the saw and quickly buzzed through two stumps to show them how it is done....
Tuesday, we called in sick.
My back stayed up all night Monday, talking to me about the reality and meaning of what permanently disabled really is.
Tuesday was miserable. Pain is a poor descriptor for what happens when discs are bulging into nerves and your body is doing things without your consent.
My wife was getting the children settled in mid-afternoon and I was lying on the coach moaning while the baby girl of 11 months was happily chomping on her favorite snack on the floor in front of me. As she was eating, she began to choke and cough a little, like many children before her have done when too greedily stuffing some tasty object into their plump little cheeks. The choking turned to gagging, and the gagging turned to reflexive attempts to vomit up something, as little raspy gasps began to emit from her mouth. I tried to get up, but my back was seizing with every movement. Another child said that something foreign was in her mouth. The hypothalamus gland kicked in and I rose and went to her just as my wife came running over. I quickly went into medical mode and began to delver inverted abdominal thrusts, while alternating with shoulder blade strikes, per my training.
The gasping worsened.
She began to turn a ruddy color now and the tell-tale sinus drain began to flow as her eyes stared to roll backwards. I frantically handed my wife a phone and told her to cal 911.
What? Could this be? We have never called 911 for a choking baby before. We had 9 children! This was routine stuff.
As the dispatcher answered, my darling little girl began to go to sleep with a very pained look on her face as she struggled to breathe. I cried out to God to give me wisdom and mercy as I shouted to the operator that my daughter was beginning to lose her vitals and drift into unconsciousness. She had no answer for what we should do. The manual said to simply lay her down upon her back. No, No! I thought. This can't be. I can't just lay her down. We were running outside now, toward the front of our property, to meet the ambulance that we so desperately wanted to see, but was nowhere in sight.
I laid her down and she began to stop moving. Again, I cried out to God, and snatched her up and fell back to my old training of ab thrusts and shoulder strikes, all the while the operator was yelling that I was doing wrong!
She gasped! She choked! Just a little. Her eyes were struggling to open and she was crying a loud, raspy cry! The ambulance pulled in and the EMT's took her as she opened her eyes and cried and sputtered.
My wife jumped in the ambulance. My other children had the bags packed already, the keys in the ignition, and everyone buckled into our vehicle. I followed my wife and child to the E.R. in silence. Just as they were leaving, they had prepped a tracheotomy kit for punching a hole in the throat of a choking victim.
As we got to the E.R., I was glad to see that my little girl was still struggling and quite improved. By the time that we got the x-ray, she was upset but had normal breathing. An hour later we sat at home together, waiting for the prunes to do their work and send the 'little mystery' out the other end. In all, she never lost oxygen for more than a few second intervals at a time. They said that she should be fine because she kept getting little breaths from the ab thrusts and shoulder strikes throughout the ordeal.
The plastic wrapper came out the next day rather unceremoniously.
She almost took her first steps today after our Church service.She started saying Daddy in a fairly clear pattern this week. She is asleep now. She wore herself out, stuffing her cheeks with her favorite little snacks again.
I don't have a real theological assessment of our prayers last Saturday and this event yet.
I just want to praise the Lord for His mercy and goodness to my family, in letting us keep that little soul near us for a while longer. And I thank Him for all the ways, seen and unseen, that He watches and keeps us all, even when we don't know it.
Surely, the goodness of God leads us to repentance when we consider what we deserve and we see instead, what He gives.